Talk show host (also know as Tracey)
Darren Hayes- DH
Daniel Jones- DJ
Audience- Audience.




TH- Hello and welcome to the new episode of *cue cheesy music* STAR STATS!
Audience cheers
TH- Thank you, now today we have the delectable Darren Dayes and we will be putting all these *ruffles through papers and widens eyes* ahem, lovely questions. Hmm,….. Most of them anyway! Come on in Darren Dayes!
Darren walks in and sits on couch.
TH-How’ve you been Darren Dayes?
DH-Oh fine, fine. It’s Hayes by the way.
Talkshow host looks flustered and squints at teleprompter
TH- Bloody typists….. So how are you today?
DH- Oh good, good.
TH- This is going to be a fun interview. Now for the first question Looks at question and shakes head Can’t read that on tv, I’ll go onto the next one…….Goes onto next one…..God what is with your fans????
DH- Let me see……*Eyes widen as he reads paper*…..Is that even possible??
TH- From the drawing I’d guess it is. *Turns it round and widens eyes further then picks a new one* Thank you god a normal one! Darren, why is it your new song has you singing in a men’s toilet??
DH- What?????
TH- Is it a hint of your still unknown sexual orientation???
DH- How is that normal?
TH- The next one involves leather and whips so if you want to answer that questi-
DH- NO!
TH- -It has diagrams, *Shows it to Darren who immediately gasps*.
DH- What the-
TH- I know I’ll ask my own questions, god why is my audience so sex starved! Its only nine am you know! Well, a question that I’ve been thinking bout for a looooonnnnnggggg time is- Was there anything going on between you and a Mr. Daniel Jones?
DH- No, *Looks calm and peaceful* Nope none at all!
TH- So if he walked in now, naked, sat on your lap and said, “Take me big boy I’m yours you wouldn’t react???
DH- Now wait a minute-
DJ- From backstage Wait a second! That’s going a bit far!
TH- You idiot! We were going to reveal you later! Damn you!
*Daniel walks from behind stage and comes and sits next to Darren smiling coyly at him, Darren just stares*
DJ- Hadn’t you better answer the question, Danny boy?
*Darren still speechless opens his mouth and squeaks*
DH- No, no, no I wo-wouldn’t.
Audience- YEAH RIGHT
DH- Okay that’s it I’m going!
Runs off stage Daniel quickly follows
TH- That’s it for today’s show, bye kids!





“Well that went well didn’t it lads?”
The TV presenter shook each by the hand then showed them out of the studio into a long corridor.
“This way to the exit.”
She paused outside a door and opened it with a key. The inside was dark and as they peered inside she swiftly pushed them in and shut the door.
“And you ain’t coming out till you sort this out!” She shouted and walked away swinging the keys.

“Get off me!”
“Ow, that’s my foot, I’ll just use this shelf to get up-”
“DARREN THAT WASN'T A SHELF AND YOU KNOW IT!”
“Ooops, so sorry,”
“Yeah right.”
They stood and felt around for a switch. Daniel found one and flooded the small supply cupboard with light.
“We….”
They both looked round sheepishly.
“Did everyone think…. That we were you know,”
Darren shifted form foot to foot uneasily.
“You mean you never read the fan-fiction? God, the stuff those people made us do! God.”
“What stuff?”
Daniel shook his head, “You don’t want to know,”
“No really I-”
“Most were nc-17 mate,”
“Aah perhaps not.”
They looked round again and then sank to the floor.
“What happened, I mean to us. We had fun, didn’t we. I loved being in savage garden.” Darren asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“Exactly, you loved the fame. Everyone knows Darren Hayes, the guy from savage garden. Ask them who Daniel Jones is and they’d probably say he was their gardener.”
“Sorry.”
“You never answered her question.”
“Yes I did.”
“Not truthfully.”
He blushed and turned away, “Fine, if you did….what she said I think I’d be hard pressed not to leap on you okay?”
He looked forward an found Daniel’s face inches from his. He straddled him and smirked slightly before leaning over and whispering in his ear,
“Take me big boy, I’m yours.”
He pulled back slightly as Darren gasped, he took his chance and kissed him roughly bringing his hand to the back of Darren head to deepen the kiss. Clothes were lost in moments the Daniel broke the kiss of and started rootling amongst the shelves.
“What the-”
“Do I need to spell it out Darren, spit is useless, I don’t want to hurt you.” He pulled out a bottle triumphantly.
“If you think you are going to use floor cleanser anywhere near my arse you can forget it….”


In a small room, Tracy chuckled to herself as she watched the ensuing events. Afterwards she pulled the tape out of the recorder and walked along to the room to unlock it.
“Wait until I show this on next weeks show!” She thought to herself, “Ratings will soar!!!!!”